NBA Draft Superlatives

With the 2019 NBA draft out of the way, here are some players and teams that stood out. Not everyone can win the draft, but at least they all have a chance here.

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Best in Class

There were a lot of teams that I thought did well in last Thursday’s draft, but only one stands out as an absolute winner. Adding Zion Williamson alone might have given New Orleans this accolade, however, they managed to carve out more space in their seemingly infinite treasure grove of assets, making another deal with Atlanta that netted them three firsts, two of which came within the top 20 picks in this year’s draft. With the selection of high-upside, high-character athletes with blue ribbon athletic pedigrees in Jaxson Hayes and Nickeil Alexander-Walker, the Pelicans have gone from an unfortunate wasteland with an impatient star, to a dazzling young squad full of potential all stars. Well played, David Griffin.

Worst in Class

In a draft where they needed one thing and one thing only (a franchise point guard), the Phoenix Suns managed to blow it despite initially holding the draft position necessary to select one of the top 3 point guards in this class. By passing on the chance to select Coby White at pick 6, the Suns really put themselves even further behind the 8-ball. Unless they manage to attract a player like Kemba Walker or D’Angelo Russell to town, their starting point guard position will continue to be a void of mediocrity. With the addition of Dario Saric, Cam Johnson, and Ty Jerome you might think that the Suns were trying to compete this year. However, a glance at their roster suggests that doing so in 2019-20 would be a futile effort.

Biggest Reach

Cam Johnson is a great shooter but he’s no Klay Thompson. For the Suns to select a player with only one true skill, who is already older than Devin Booker as a lottery pick seems like a complete reach. Forgive me for the Suns bashing but I found this pick to be genuinely awful.

Biggest Steal

There are a few candidates for this superlative. I really liked the Bulls selection of Coby White, as I feel like he has a really good chance to become an elite scorer in the NBA. Likewise, I see potential in the selection of players like Bol Bol, Nas Little, and Kevin Porter Jr. who all fell for various reasons. While I’m not sold on any of those three becoming stars, the value of their upside at their respective draft slots are tremendous.

Best Hair

Coby White and Ja Morant are tied for this category, for as nice as Coby’s flowing afro of curls is, Ja’s dread game was really on point for the draft.

Best Bromance

The interview with Ja Morant and his dad was a very nice moment, as clips of the two running drills in their backyard showed just how much work both father and son had dedicated to Ja’s basketball career.

Most Over-shown

We saw too much Zion but that’s not his fault, chalk it up to ESPN’s lack of creativity.

Most likely to succeed

It’s hard not to see Zion becoming an easy double-double machine with a high field goal percentage from the get-go. His floor is easily the highest in this class.

Biggest Flirt

It seemed like the Pelicans were in talks to trade the fourth pick to every team in the world. At one point I expected it to be heading to the Guangdong Southern Tigers for future draft picks.

Most dust collected

They really had poor Bol Bol sitting in the green room for what seemed like an eternity. By the time he got picked moths had already begun chewing holes in his 100,000 dollar suit.

Class Clown

Tyler Herro’s suit was not it at all. Also his post-selection interview made me think he was really putting on a personality that he had learned from listening to too much rap music. The man is a whiteboy from Wisconsin, can’t be culturally appropriating like that. That being said, I love his game and think he will be an excellent NBA player.

Most likely to win R.O.Y

I think Ja Morant is gonna do some ridiculous stat padding this season and maybe steal the Rookie of the Year award away from Zion…

Most unforgettable

It’s Zion, who else did you think it could be?

Most likely to find success as an UDFA

Tacko Fall could legitimately become the starting center for the Celtics in 2020, as his only competition as of right now consists of Robert “Timelord” Williams and “The Dancing Bear” Guerschon Yabusele.

Biggest shoulder chip

As much as Bol Bol, Kevin Porter, and Nas Little should feel slighted by their draft day falls, its Goga Bitadze who should have the biggest chip on his shoulder, as he is the man at the adjacent table in the now famous image of Zion’s pre-draft press conference, who is being completely ignored in favor of Williamson.

Best Name

It’s got to be Admiral Schofield right?

Biggest Head-Scratcher

Why didn’t anybody select Bol Bol until pick 44? The man is an outstanding basketball talent despite concerns about his weight and injury issues. I hope he proves everyone wrong.


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